Loving Little

41“A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” 44Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.

Luke 7:41-47
This was one of my passages this morning. I continually struggle—being a fairly stoic person—with my denomination’s (Church of the Nazarene) Pentecostal/Evangelical/Charismatic roots. In many ways the Lutheran tradition I left matched more of my personality. However, it isn’t supposed to be about my personality, but my faith.

What really struck me was that perhaps I don’t love God enough, because I haven’t been forgiven of enough. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? God’s son, Jesus Christ, lived a sinless life, willingly surrendered his life on the cross, rose to life after death, and I haven’t been forgiven enough? Everything that I did and will do has and will be forgiven as long as I put my faith in him. Yet, I haven’t been forgiven enough?

Perhaps I am not fully aware of everything that has been forgiven. Even worse, perhaps I am not aware of the depth of my depravity that God has forgiven. Now, here is the part that I struggle with, and many struggle with. I am intellectually aware of what Jesus Christ for me on the cross. However, emotionally I am often too distant from that intellectual assent.